Barchester Chronicles, episode 7

After Bertie’s departure, Eleanor pays the Signora a visit, as was requested in the letter Signora wrote her. They then have a really awkward conversation, which pretty much entails the Signora asking invasive questions about Eleanor and Arabin the Bore.

18--tell me your secrets

“Tell me all your secrets.”

19--this is really invasive

“This is weird–even by Stanhope standards.”

After making Eleanor uncomfortable–because that’s just how she rolls–the Signora actually shows a benevolent side and tells her that Arabin the Bore loves her and that she should act on it if she feels the same way.

20--Arabin the Bore loves you

“I will sell you on Arabin the Bore’s qualities much better than he ever could.”

Then Signora hosts Arabin and Slope, whose respective appearances were also requested by the letters she sent them. They are also joined by a surprise guest nobody, not even the Signora, anticipated–Mr. Thorne, the guy who pays Arabin’s salary and hosted the garden party.

21--awkward meeting

Awkward suitor meeting.

Though she never states the purpose of the meeting, it’s pretty clear that she has one goal–humiliating Slope.

22--you're not allowed to sit

“You’re not allowed to sit there.”

23--no really don't sit there

“No, really, you can’t sit there.”

24--let's make idle chit chat shall we

“Let’s make idle chit chat, shall we?”

She starts by congratulating him on his impending marriage and his new job as dean.

25--congrats on the new wife and job Slope

“So, Slope, congrats on all of your recent joy.”

26--i detect a trap

“I detect a trap.”

He focuses more on the job title, insisting that the newspaper article is merely idle speculation and that he has been offered nothing.

29--let's not be hasty

“Let’s not jump ahead of ourselves.”

30--it's an honor just to be nominated really

“It’s an honor just to be nominated really.”

He then tries to flatter her by saying if he ever did get that job, she’d make an awesome consort.

31--but you could totally be my queen if I ever got that job

“But if I ever got the job, you could totally be my co-regent.”

His compliment does not have the desired effect.

32--that's so improper

“That was a highly improper suggestion.”

She then returns to the idea that he is newly engaged, which he is less interested in discussing with everyone.

33--last time you at least had the decency to do this without an audience

“Last time you ritually humiliated me you at least had the decency to do it without witnesses.”

34--she's officially worse than Bertie where the hell is Bertie

“You’re officially worse than Bertie. Speaking of the devil, where the hell is Bertie?”

She finally twists the knife in by deducing from his answers that he must have been turned down.

35--did she not say yes

“Rejection always stings, doesn’t it, Obie?”

I must admit to feeling a bit sorry for Slope here. He deserves to be called out for his bullshit, but I really don’t think the Signora is doing this as a gift to humanity. Instead, I think she’s clearly doing it because she likes starting shit and making people uncomfortable. It’s funny, but it’s also cruel and uncomfortable to watch.

Slope certainly has his fill of it pretty quickly. He tries to be dignified in expressing his anger.

37--if i pray hard enough will she spontaneously combust

“If I am still enough, will I disappear into this ugly wallpaper?”

36--oh fuck you

“Oh, fuck you.”

But he finally erupts, in a very Slope-like way, accusing her of being a bitch before he flounces out of the room.

38--no more fake mr nice guy

“No more Fake Mr. Nice Guy, you succubus.”

39--you're uncouth

“Your manners are worse than mine.”

40--peace out bitches

“Peace out, bitches.”

Once he gets outside, he has to pause to collect himself before he departs, no doubt to scheme what his next move is now that both of his gold-digging opportunities are no longer available.

41--why torment another human being when a job isn't at stake.jpg

“Why would you torture another human being when a job isn’t at stake?”

With her work done, the Signora turns her attention to asking Arabin the Bore about his life and ambitions.

42--it's a full time job.jpg

“Creating mayhem is a full-time job.”

Next page: All sorts of news for everyone.

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